"It's not violence that sets men apart; it's the distance he's prepared to go

     Ill start off by saying that the title for the post has nothing to do with what I am writing about. I'm sitting here watching Lawless and that's something Bane from The Dark Knight Rises just said and it sounded intelligent.  I'm sure at some point I will find a way to apply it to my life.

Before you go any further this really is not that entertaining because its not funny and I'm pretty tired so its not my most well thought out verbal vomit.
   
     I debated today a lot on what I was going to write about and I had a whole border line amazing entry about ALL of my ex girlfriends and how crazy, amazing, and crazy they were/are (Dances With Wolves  - only a select few of you will know what that means, but at some point I will introduce you all to her eventually).  I figured most of the people who may read this know about me, but for the ones who may read this on a regular basis I guess I will talk about myself  to kind of give you a little bit of an idea of who I am.

    I am an extremely private person and it takes a lot for me to gain trust and to open up to people, let a lone talk about everything I have going on in this purgatory warped mind that I have. Which is in part why I am doing this, I'm not good at expressing myself when it comes to feelings or personal stuff, but I am good at expressing myself when it comes to letting people know how I feel and if I think you are an idiot or I don't agree with you and on a few occasions which I am not proud of have caused some people to cry.  And for some reason if I have never had an reservation about opening up to you consider yourself lucky because it is a rare thing, I think it has happened 3 or 4 times.
 
     I come from a split house hold which I would say a lot people do shit happens. Having divorced parents can be nice, double birthdays and holidays and usually one parent feels guilty and they take turns buying you things to make up for it.   But its funny how it affects people in different ways, I have friends who come from divorced parents and they are perfectly normal and have had great relationships and don't have an issue when it comes to things as far a commitment and trust. Now I am not blaming  my issues on my parents, when it come's to relationships because shit happens people fall out of love for one reason or another and get divorced. Ultimately we are in charge of our own actions and decisions.  Anyways I'm saying had I not been six and been 15 or 16 instead things may be different.  As far as my perception on things when it comes to dating. I am a pretty amazing boyfriend which I think every girl will agree with with the exception of DDW(I was a pretty big jerk, but I felt/feel I was justified).  Friendships are different because I have a pretty good read on people and can tell if I am going to be friends with someone right away or not. Mainly because I judge people without meeting them and its hard to get me to change my mind about someone who I decide I don't like.

    Anyways my families are amazing from my cousins to all my aunts and uncles and my grandparents.  My parents and siblings are on a whole other playing field because they had to live with my and put up with my shit, and my mood swings and me just being a flat out asshole sometimes for no reason at all.  It funny I never really realized how I took my family for granted until I moved here (Cincinnati) and they weren't readily available for me to see or mess with.  So basically every good quality about me every person in my family has attributed to them, so any encounter that you have with my or have heard about me being a jerk or an asshole should reflect on them what so ever especially my parents because they are amazing.


     I know this was pretty boring and Im sorry about. Im going to try and not be so serious about my personal life when I do this blog thing, which I still cant decide if its a good idea or not. But if they arent funny I will do my best to end them with a funny story.

    This one just happens to be about my Nanny which is my grandmother on my moms side and me running my mouth about my being about to whip her ass in wrestling.  If you have ever met my Nanny you already know this but for those of you who don't.  She is one of the sweetest ladies in the whole world. Southern, makes the best homemade mash potatoes in the world and a God fearing woman, also had a large collections on dolls that to this day scare me and I cover will pillows or blankets when I stay at her house.  Anyways this happens when I want to say I was six or seven. My parents where somewhere I don't know if I was staying the night with my grand parents or they were just baby sitting me but for some reason I decided it was a good idea to tell my grandmother I could beat her in wrestling. I didn't mess with my Pappa too much because when I was really little I would walk up to him for no reason and punch him right in the dick and to the day he messes with me about that having a something to do with him getting prostate cancer.  Yes me being a jerk wasn't something that happened over night it has been a long hard journey to where I am today.  Back to me getting beat up by my nanny.  I really don't know the details specifically of how it happened because it was over fast and so traumatic for me that I probably purposely blocked them out. All I remember is her sitting on me and laughing hysterically along with my Pappa.  Who in the back of his mind was probably thinking that what you get you little dickhead.  I am devastated by this and immediately start crying like a little girl snot running down my noise and threaten to call the cops on her.  Whats the point of me telling you this story I have no clue. And yes about 4 or 5 times a year when I am ballsy and want to try and aggravate her, she likes to throw it in my face.  She could still probably kick my ass to this day.

   

    

      
    

First post

Over the past month or so I've had a lot of time to I guess you could say "soul search" mainly because I got fired from a company that claims to have family values but at the end of the day is filled with so much bullshit they are blind to most things that go on (I will write about this company eventually) The time gave me a chance to reflect on things such as family, friends, life, views on social issues,past relationships and why I think I am the way I am. I figured I usually don't hold back on most occasions with my opinion and view points so why not put it on the Internet for people to read. Seems like a good idea probably isn't but oh well.  If anything it will make me feel better. With some of these posts you may or may not share my opinion and I'm betting most of the time you won't, but that's the beauty if having an opinion. So I guess I should put a warning and apologize ahead of time (language and vulgarity) mainly to my mother and father and friend who's moral's are better than mine which is about 99% of them. I won't be putting any one here that would ever hurt my family or friends but I will be being completely honest about myself and my view points and things I have gone through which will probably embarrass them. So sorry ahead of time.